


How Far?

by kimbob



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Clint Needs a Hug, Dreams, First Love, Fortune Telling, Heavy Angst, How Far, Hurt Phil, Infinity Gem, Love, Love is a battlefield, M/M, Marriage, Mystery, Protective Clint, Protective Phil Coulson, Reality, Romance, mind-control
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 22:27:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimbob/pseuds/kimbob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How far would he go to save the man he loves? Clint already knew the answer to that question: to the ends of the earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Prologue

_THE AMAZING LOTTIE!! GET YOUR FORTUNE TOLD._  
Past  
A young Clint Barton stared up at the banner hanging from the medium sized tent with slight trepidation. Barney had been an asshole to him all morning, opting to go flirt with Lorna, the trapeze girl while leaving Clint alone to pitch twenty-five bales of hay for the show horses. The Circus had three shows in Arizona and the 104 heat had done nothing but fuel Clint’s current hatred for his big brother. 

_After that backbreaking work, he had been involuntarily given the job of helping the newest employee settle in. The Amazing Lottie was the newest attraction to the Carson Carnival of Traveling Wonders as a way to draw in more money from customers before the show started. Clint had heard she was a witch. It wasn’t as though he believed it because witches weren’t real, but he still couldn’t help but wonder what if?_

_Shaking his silly thoughts, Clint made his way inside of the tent, pushing aside the strange beads that hung from the entrance. He paused in surprise as he took in his surroundings. The ground was covered in layers of fancy looking rugs. Colorful silk scarfs and tapestries hung high from the ceiling of the tent. Pillows littered the middle of the floor, surrounding a square fire pit. It was like nothing Clint had ever seen. He moved further into the tent, pausing to place down one of the boxes he’d taken off of one of the equipment trucks._

_“Hello?”_

_Clint nearly jumped out of his skin, startled from the voice behind him. He turned and came face to face with the subject of his thoughts. Clint stood frozen, shocked at what he saw. Lottie was beautiful, and her beauty had him changing his mind about those rumors. “Hello. I uh- I brought the rest of your stuff.”_

_Lottie looked confused for a moment before she snapped her fingers with a bright smile. “Oh yes!” She lifted the skirt she wore as she moved around him and toward the little cooler beside the sitting area. “It’s so hot today isn’t it? You’ve must’ve been working so hard!” She sat down onto one of the comfortable pillows and gestured toward the pillows across from her. “Sit, have a cold pop with me and I will read your fortune.” She smiled when he hesitated. “Come on, I won’t bite.”_

_Clint shrugged and made his way toward her. He slowly sat down on the comfortable pillow, grabbing the coke she handed him. “Thanks.”_

_“You’re welcome.” She pointed toward a green bowl filled with bones. “Usually I would just do a simple palm reading, but I can tell you’re a special one.”_

_Special? Clint thought. He’d never been called such a thing. Useless, Yes, but special? “Okay.”_

_“These bones will aide me in telling your fortune.” Lottie explained. “They are always truthful. Pick one please.”_

_Clint leaned over and picked one of the bones up. He held it up for inspection and Lottie nodded in approval._

_“Good.” She said. “Now throw it into the fire.”_

_Clint did as instructed and they both watched as the heat increased, making cracks appear in the bone. He raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?” He asked._

_Lottie held her hand up as the bone began to crack even more, disintegrating before exploding into a flame of white hot fire._

_Clint gasped in shock as flames shot high into the air, just missing the tent. He glanced at Lottie who was watching him with wide eyes. “What?” He asked softly. “What is it?”_

_“Oh,” Lottie said, her smile widening as the seconds ticked by. “You are special.”_


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_The warm water lapped at Clint’s feet. The sun’s warmth on his face is comforting. The sand seeping between his toes made him smile. His eyes closed as he felt strong familiar arms wrapped themselves around his waist; Warm lips kissed the back of his neck. Even after years of being married, his stomach still tingled, his heart still raced with the excitement of being in love._

_“I’ve missed you.” Phil whispered._

_Clint rested his hands on top of Phil’s own. “I’ve missed you too, Phil. So much.” The two were quiet for a long moment, both watching the waves lap at their feet. He bit his lip as he felt the familiar pull of consciousness. “This isn’t real,” He said. “This is just a dream.”_

_“I know,” Phil said, “but let’s try to make it a memorable one.”_

Clint’s eyes slowly slid open, sighing as the remnants of the dream slowly dissipated from his mind. He sat up in the recliner and glanced at the other man lying prone on the hospital bed. Clint felt his heart clench with the overwhelming pain he was becoming familiar with. His eyes scanned Phil’s form, lying unconscious on the bed, tubes running In and out of him. One tube, connected to his mouth and the other to a machine, helping him breathe. He slowly reached out, grabbing Phil’s hand in his own. He closed his eyes, trying in vain to drown out the steady beeping of the machines. 

“Hi.” He whispered. “I had another dream about you. His thumb stroked the back of his hand. “It felt so real.” Clint squeezed his hand. “Wake up Phil. Open your eyes,” he begged desperately. “Please. I can’t do this. Please Phil.” Clint stared hard at his husband; silently willing him to open his eyes, but the only response he had gotten was the steady beeping of the machine. 

88  
 _Past_

_“What do you mean?” Clint asked his eyes still watching the fire._

_Lottie’s expression became serious as she answered. “Listen to me very carefully. Are you listening?” She continued when Clint nodded at her. “You will have a very difficult life Clint, filled with violence and a betrayal that will take you a long time to recover from. “_

_Clint felt his shoulders slump as the words hit his ears. This was not something he was expecting to hear._

_“Do not worry.” Lottie assured him. “You must understand, life sometimes has a way of changing for the better. Some of us have to go through these trying times to get to where we need to be; which is exactly what will happen for you. You will meet someone and that someone will change your life. Give you the life you deserve; you will be with this person forever. Your true soul mate.”_

_Clint blinked; then blinked again. He sat back with a small shake of his head. “That’s it?” He asked. “That’s why I’m so special?”_

_Lottie chuckled as she shook her head. “That’s all I will tell you. Life needs some surprises you know? ” She stood up and waved for Clint to follow her. “There is a belief that we all have a symbol that shape and represent who we are.” She spoke as she leaned over to search the boxes Clint had brought her. “Where is it? Hmm, oh here we go.” She pulled out a Bow and a quiver full of arrows. She presented them to Clint with a smile. “My gift to you.”_

_Clint awkward took the offered gift. “Uh, thanks.” He said and she grinned._

_“It’s a bit old, but I certainly have no use for it.”_

_Clint slowly backed away. “I better go.” He said. “Thanks for the drink and this.” He said holding up the bow. He left Lottie’s tent, wondering why he always attracted the weirdos in this circus._

88 

“Did you eat?” Nastasha asked Clint as she watched him stretch Phil’s leg like the nurse had shown him, making sure to keep the blood flowing. Clint didn’t answer right away and she sighed. “Clint?” 

Clint sighed as he lowered Phil’s left leg then reached for the right one. “I ate the sandwich you gave me.” 

Natasha wasn’t surprised and she tsked in displeasure. “That was more than six hours ago.” Clint was clearly ignoring her and she glared at the back of his head. “Clint--”she trailed off as her best friend looked at her. She had to take a step back at the haggard look on his face. His eyes were sunken with dark circles around them; he clearly hadn’t shaved in weeks. His mouth was set in a thin line, every line in his face reading pure grief. It reminded her of their time in Budapest, when Clint thought he was never going to see Phil again. Natasha felt her insides constrict in the most unfamiliar way. Only Clint can evoke these types of feelings inside her. She silently cursed Fury for sending her on that mission immediately after New York. He had promised to look after Clint, but clearly it wasn’t good enough. She took a deep breath and shook her head. She had to keep it together. 

She reached out, putting her hand gently on his shoulder. “Clint.” She said in a tone that broke no argument. “You have to go home and rest.” She wasn’t surprised when he shrugged her hand off. He was just as stubborn as she was. 

“I can’t leave him Nat.” He said hoarsely. “I can’t.” 

Natasha swallowed hard. She had lied when she said love was for children. Not after witnessing Clint and Phil together. “You’re no good to him this way.” She said softly. “What would he say if he saw you like this?”

Clint snorted. “He would probably tell me to stop being ridiculous and order me home.” 

Natasha nodded, relieved there was some sense left in his head. “You know it. Go home. Shower, eat and get some sleep.”

“What if he wakes up and I’m not here?” He asked worriedly.

Natasha wrapped her hands around his bicep and gently lifted him off of the hospital bed and Clint followed slowly, his legs feeling like lead. “I’ll call you. I promise. You don’t have to do this alone Clint.” 

“Please do.” Clint said as he let her lead him away from Phil’s room, he glanced over his shoulder. 

88

The front door closed behind Clint with a deafening slam. He hadn’t been back to this house since New York and for a good reason. Everywhere he looked there was Phil. He moved further into the room, nearly dripping as he went. He glanced down and he sighed as he realized it was Phil’s sneakers that caused him to stumble. Clint shook his head as he leaned down to pick them up and place them neatly by the door. He always grouched about Phil leaving his sneakers in front of the doorway, but now it seemed like such an inconsequential thing. 

He made his way into the kitchen, pausing as he caught sight of the empty dinner plates and glasses at the dinner table. It was the night before they’d both been called in with Clint being ordered to help guard the Tesseract and Phil being called into headquarters while Fury was away. It had been their last night together. Clint stood frozen in the entranceway of the kitchen, as the memory played itself in his mind. 

_“Costa Rica?”_

_“God no.” Phil said with a frown. “I feel like we’d have to constantly watch our backs there.”_

_Clint shrugged. They did have quite a few enemies there._

_“How about the Hamptons?”_

_Clint looked at Phil as if he’d grown a second head. “The Hamptons? Mostly full of yuppies who wear sweaters tied over their shoulders. No thanks.” They had a vacation to plan. The first vacation in three years and Clint wanted it to be perfect. Clint pointed his fork at Phil as he spoke. “I think you may have something on staying local though.”_

_“Okay.” Phil said, “So we stay in the states. Where do we go?”_

_“Well,” Clint said coyly. “I was thinking Arizona. There’s this guest dude ranch there that we…” He trailed off when Phil started to snicker at him, his eyes crinkling in the most adorable way. “What?”_

_“I almost forgot about your cowboy fantasies.”_

_Clint rolled his eyes, his face heating up in embarrassment. “I fully regret telling you that.”_

_Phil just smiled. “Do I have to wear tight jeans and cowboy boots?”_

_Clint, already seeing the sexy image in his head, nodded eagerly. “Yes. I’ll even teach you how to ride a horse.”_

_Phil nodded, clearly happy with Clint’s excitement. “Fine, But I draw the line at wearing Chaps.”_

_Clint grinned and stood up from his chair. “I’m sure I can persuade you otherwise.” He reached for Phil’s hand, pulling him from his seat and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Arizona?”_

_Phil nodded in agreement. “Arizona.” He tightened his hold on Clint, pulling him down to lick the spaghetti sauce from the side of his mouth. “I say we celebrate.”_

_Clint grinned. “I’m always up for a celebration.”_

Clint blinked as he shook the memory away, rubbing his aching chest. He walked further into the kitchen and began to methodically clean up the mess they had left. After he was finished, he made himself some tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. He wasn’t hungry, but his body needed the fuel. He sat at the table, barely tasting the food. He stared at the empty seat across from him, feeling strangely hollow.

He showered and shaved as Nat instructed him to before slowly making his way into the bedroom. He climbed into the unmade bed and was immediately assaulted with Phil’s scent. He reached for Phil’s pillow and buried his face in it, not bothering to fight the onslaught of tears that began to soak through the pillow case. The wedding rings he wore on a chain around his neck rested heavily against his chest. He drifted off into a fitful sleep, his last thoughts on how he was going to survive without his husband.   
888  
 _He was standing in the middle of a field of green grass; pockets of yellow and purple flowers littered everywhere. Clint smiled as he leaned down and began picking them._

_“Why are you picking flowers?” A familiar voice asked._

_Clint turned a surprised smile sliding onto his face as he spotted someone he hadn’t seen in the longest time. “Barney?” He asked. “What are you doing here?”_

_Barney shrugged as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Why are you picking flowers?”_

_Clint picked two yellow flowers as he answered. “I like them. You shouldn’t be here.”_

_“Where’s Phil?” Barney asked and Clint shrugged._

_“I don’t know.” He answered as he continued to pick more flowers. “He should be here.” He nearly had a bouquet of flowers now. Phil loved flowers. “He should be here.” He repeated more quietly._

_“Those aren’t even real flowers,” Barney complained. “They’re just weeds.”_

_Clint turned to glare at his brother and he frowned when Barney was no longer standing there. His chest began to ache and he rubbed at it, the rings around his neck clinking ominously in his ears. His hand was getting wet, he realized, and when he pulled it away it was red. His frown deepened._

_“Clint?”_

_Clint’s hand tightened on his flowers as he looked around confusedly. “Phil?” He said._

_“Clint?” Phil sounded confused himself. “Clint?”_

_Clint turned around, feeling a sudden panic as he recognized Phil’s need for him. “Phil? Where are you? I can’t-“_

_“Help me Clint!” Phil said hoarsely._

_The pain was evident in his voice and the pain that flowed through Clint had him dropping to his knees, the flowers falling beside him. “Phil?” He called. “Phil?” There was nothing, only deathly silence. Clint’s eyes slid toward the flowers, now wilting; dying._

Clint sat up as the urgent sound of his cellphone went blaring in his bedroom. He glanced around in panic, his eyes widening as he realized he’d slept for almost thirteen hours. He reached for his phone, his heart pounding as he answered it. “Hello?”

“Clint.” Natasha said calmly, but Clint can hear the fear in her voice. “It’s Phil.”

TBC


End file.
